I don't know about you, but I've been worried about Gwyneth Paltrow. We've had the plague for a year and the Paltrow-Industrial Complex hadn't shown up with any kind of wellness grift!

Finally, we can breathe easy. As Beth Mole writes in Ars Technica, Paltrow has finally entered the covid profiteering racket, and she's going *big*, with a blog entry detailing the many ways you can shop your way out of long covid.


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Paltrow's post describes how she suffered covid "early on" and then heroically overcame long covid with chiropractic, a "plant-based" diet that's also fish-based (go fig), $102 worth of vitamins and supplements, and $60 "detox" powder.

These aren't just health advice, of course - they're also products you can buy from Goop or via affiliate links that pay Paltrow a commission. Beyond that, Paltrow recommends hiking with $9,000 worth of specialized gear ($8600 of that is a gold necklace).


As Mole points out, Paltrow also relates how she didn't see results straight away, which implies an answer to what her customers should do if her expensive remedies don't work - buy more and keep trying.

Mole does the lord's work in dogging Paltrow's heels. Not only did she take to time to explain why you shouldn't squirt coffee up your asshole as recommended by Goop:


But she even reviewed Paltrow's unwatchable Netflix show:

This work isn't just unpleasant, it's risky. Speaking as someone who's been threatened by Paltrow's vicious attack-lawyers for criticizing the ultra-wealthy alexjonesian nostrum-peddler, I can only imagine what Mole's inbox looks like.


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